he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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