so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
