Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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