Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
