birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
