we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
