life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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