my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
