my mouth tastes like poor choices
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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