The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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