Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
