covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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