Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
