Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
