Plan B is the new Plan A
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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