dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
