Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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