I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
