Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
