well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Green mimosas i think yes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
