my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
