u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
