well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sober January is a disaster.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't deserve a penis
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
