thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
