apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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