its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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