Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize