i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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