hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
