Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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