dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
