Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need moral support for this bender
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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