How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
