I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
