Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
