Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
