if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize