maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
