turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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