A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
