I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
