He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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