I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
