He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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