I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
