Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize