he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
