I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
