they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
