i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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