Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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