Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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