Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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