You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
