I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
