Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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