make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
