and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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