get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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