dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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