Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
