I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
