Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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