Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
