I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
