I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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