Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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