i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
As shirtless as possible
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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