I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
